life's mean reds.

2011-11-03T00:01:00.004+11:00

i speak before i think, but really what that reveals is the person i am inside. the thoughts and desires are all too apparent. i want recognition, i want people to look at me w envy at my skill and what I have, I want things that I know are wrong to want but i still want them. but the heart cant hide forever. it comes out at the most unopportune time and i end up hurting the ones i love the most. oh wait, maybe not, cos i really love myself the most, which.. really means i hurt those i cant love as much as i love me.

:(

pro-cras-in-a-tion.

2011-09-21T12:27:00.003+10:00

one of those moments when i get distracted from the task at hand,

oh the joys of the internet.

i dont know what catches my eye more, the light, the subtle suggestions of melting shadows, or an unadulterated expression of love, that comfortable lingering silence in company?

Mr perfect/miss imperfect

2011-09-16T17:53:00.001+10:00

Instead of waiting for the perfect one, work at being the perfect one instead. These words roll off the tongue with ease like a familiar jingle. Yet the former holds an appeal tt the latter can never achieve.could it be, that at the end of the day, we are, in fact, more aware of reality than we realise? The former, perhaps, more achievable than the latter?

sunset joys

2011-09-16T17:47:00.001+10:00

Perhaps its age talking, but the smallest thing that I used to take for granted of now brings one of the greatest joys of the day. And as I saunter to school with the brilliant azure sky before me,I thank God for another day of which he showed me his limitless love.

morning bites

2011-08-17T08:17:00.003+10:00

A long read, but a timely one, when life threatens to go out of control. The selfish side of me wishes this never caught my eye but God certainly has his sense of humor; his timing, like they say, is beautiful and I chuckle to myself as the true reality dawns in these waking hours. There couldn't been a more apt way to start the day.:)

10 tips for faithful sleep-deprived living

http://www.matthiasmedia.com.au/briefing/library/6089/

10 tips for faithful sleep-deprived living JENNIE BADDELEY / BRIEFING #388 / JANUARY 2011 / SHARETHIS

Sleep is one of God's good gifts. Most of us chug though life without thinking much about it, which is usually a sign that we're getting enough. But for some of us, that blissful enjoyment of the half-regarded treasure we know as a ‘good night's sleep’ is shattered for some reason.

The effects of sleep deprivation are substantial. A lack of sleep overshadows all aspects of our lives, including how we go about seeking to follow and serve Christ Jesus. In order to be prayerful and diligent in serving God, we need to think about how we can ‘manage’ this condition, rather than become overwhelmed by it.

10. TRUST GOD NOW

Realize that, whatever the reason for your sleep deprivation is, it's not random. There's nothing good and noble about losing sleep for its own sake. So, if you are losing sleep and can change your circumstances so you could get enough regularly, invest in making that happen. Not only does sleeping give you greater resources to enjoy the life that God has given you, but it also enables you to love and serve him and his people more effectively. It's a precious gift.

But it may be that you and I are being called to live without good sleep for some time. If that is the case, then it is worth realizing that this is the context in which God is transforming us into the image of his Son. Here and now, in this weary time and place, you and I need to hear his call to trust his rule of our lives, and obey his commands. So it's best for us not to put off learning how to pursue a life of godly obedience and trust in God until we can get a decent night's sleep and can think clearly. We don't need to get ourselves sorted first. Following Jesus is not an activity for detached reflection; it's life in the trenches.

This is actually liberating. We aren't like those whose lives are caught up in squeezing all they can get out of this life, and so prioritize the quality of their lives over everything and everyone else. Sleep loss isn't something that we need to eliminate in order to live our lives properly or well. We don't have to feel guilty or embarrassed about having the night-shift job, or the child who just won't sleep, or something similar. We don't have to believe the lie that ‘if only’ this were taken away all would be ideal. Our lives are hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3). So in Christ we are set free to live difficult lives, trusting God not only to preserve us but also to transform us. We don't have to reach an arbitrary standard of potential, or enjoy every minute of our lives. Therefore, sleep deprivation isn't (necessarily) a problem to solve; it's a context for growing to maturity in Christ Jesus our Lord.

9. DON'T RESENT IT

God doesn't owe us sleep. It's a gift. Losing out on one of God's gifts is hard. Watching others receive without gratitude the exact gift we crave is difficult to the point of frustration, and even bitterness. We need to guard ourselves from this.

This requires practiced thankfulness and trust. Especially when people around us might have an attack of the fainting vapours because they've “only had six hours sleep”. Most of us, if we are honest, would happily take their sleep. But their sleep is God's good gift to them, and we know what a good gift it is, even if they don't, so thank God for his kindness to them, and ask him to bless them with what they need. And ask God to give you the grace to bear with them. Obviously, it's also a great plan to pray for more sleep for ourselves. But we must not lose sight of God as the giver of all good things, and instead discipline ourselves to accept his gifts with gratitude and humility, rather than demanding them with a sense of entitlement. God's gifts are his, to give as he will.

8. GRATITUDE MATTERS

One of the major problems with sleep deprivation is that it sends us into survival mode. There's nothing left in life for extras, either in time or energy. Being thankful often falls into that category for many of us. Stopping and saying ‘thank you’ to God for things can often feel like the kind of thing people do when they have time and energy left over.

Scripture doesn't have that attitude at all. Gratitude is something that marks out Christians. We are to be people who thank God all the time, even when we are chained up in prison like the apostles (Acts 16:25). This can leave us a bit cold, as though we have to screw up our faces and say thank you for things when, bluntly, we aren't grateful. Yet, passages like Philippians 4 draw a strong line between gratitude and contentment, as though the one is reached via the other. Thankful hearts are, or become, contented hearts. So, pursuing thankfulness in a meaningful and practical way leads to greater godliness.

Being thankful works best if one is genuinely grateful, rather than being contrived. So, if we are faced with difficult circumstances in which we can't imagine what we could be thankful for, we probably need to do more thinking. We need to pray that God will make us thankful, and show us how to be grateful. We need to think about the things he has given us in our lives that we are glad about. Ultimately, our greatest thanksgiving is for the life that we have in Christ: full forgiveness and hope of a life with God and each other forever, glorious salvation. Everything else God has given us spills up and over that already overflowing cup of kindness in Christ (Rom 8:32). This sets us free to be thankful about so much; the little things that matter to ourselves but no-one else (such as a good cup of tea in the morning), through to God's huge and significant gifts to us in Christ (such as life, literacy, and running water, if we have these things). We can easily lose sight of these when we are ground down by something like sleeplessness, and feel powerless to embrace the good things God gives us in Christ. I think there is room for deliberately doing some of the sorts of things we really enjoy, if this is possible and wise, to remind ourselves of our generous, gracious God and his gifts to us. Asceticism emerging from sleep deprivation is, after all, no more commendable than any other asceticism. Taking the time to do the things that remind us in concrete ways of God's goodness to us can help us gain the perspective that lack of sleep threatens to overturn.

So, we are aiming for authentic gratitude as a daily, hourly characteristic (1 Thess 5:18). But we work with the gratitude we have, and don't pretend to be any more grateful than we are—working towards growth is more important than fixating on where we are right now.

7. BE GODLY BY GOD'S GRACE

One of the really difficult things about being sleep-deprived is that we often don't have the level of control over our lives and presentation that we prefer. We might be late to appointments and forgetful. We might not be able to concentrate; our vocabularies might shrink. And on top of that, and in all of that, we sin. We are often impatient, unkind, unwise, and irritable. Whatever we struggle with when we have enough sleep becomes an epic battle without it.

But if we know Jesus, giving up the fight to be like him isn't an option. He has saved us from all that and called us to a new and better way of living, where kindness, peace, patience, and love are our goals. And if we do know him, then even in this time and place God will cause these to blossom in our lives. We might be too tired to see or appreciate what he is doing, but our holiness is his work, and we can trust him with it. Sleep deprivation throws back the curtain of our presentable lives, and demonstrates (if only to ourselves) that being godly is not something we can achieve ourselves. We need God.

This is great news for us, because it reminds us forcibly that we are saved by grace alone through faith alone by Christ alone (Eph 2:8-10). We are never going to impress God with our excellent behaviour, because without him, it doesn't exist. By God's grace he continues his good work in us.

We are still called to struggle against sin, but we can use this time in our lives to deliberately recognize and appreciate God's work in us, making us into Jesus' image. We can be thankful for those moments when we were patient, for example, or when we cared more about how we were late rather than being cross that being late was inevitable. Of course we will sin, and need to confess our sins accordingly. But even under these circumstances, God is still working in us, showing us (and everyone) that it really is his work. This is part of the good news of Jesus that we are living out each day.

6. PRAY

Prayer is hard when you don't get enough sleep. It's hard because if you habitually close your eyes to pray, you're likely to nod off within about a minute. It's hard because you're likely to have little, if any, concentration, and limited ability to prioritize. Plus you forget things. All of these, and no doubt more I have forgotten, affect prayer.

But we need to pray, because prayer is us, in all our weakness, coming to our Father through his Son, depending on him for all things. It's where we can ask God for the resources we need to endure, where we plead for encouragement and comfort, knowing that both ultimately come from his gracious hand. It's where we recognize the greatness of who he is and the faithfulness of his presence with us.

What we may need to rethink is the ‘how’ of prayer. It's pointless feeling guilty because we always fall asleep when we pray, or can't pray for more than two minutes. Now is probably not the time to invest in long prayers, but instead we can be using the opportunities that present themselves. Mindless chores can become times we pray for specific people or things. Memorizing Scripture or singing can be the time we deliberately praise God for who he is and what he has done. Reading through a confession might become our regular way of confessing sins. Working through short lists might be how we pray for those around us. It may all be very fragmented for a while. For some of us, the standard ‘quiet time’ formula might continue to work. But for others of us, it could be more useful to pray through this time in our lives with someone else regularly, or walk around in the middle of the night praying aloud, or deliberately only praying one or two sentences at a time.

Getting the ‘how’ perfect isn't as important as the actual doing of prayer. There are probably a lot of people around us who have thought about how to pray tired, so it is worth asking those we know who've been in this situation at some point in their lives what they did to facilitate prayer. It's not something we have to work out on our own, or even always do on our own. But we do need to pray.

5. BE GOVERNED BY SCRIPTURE

Reading is another one of those activities that gets harder with little sleep. It can feel like another chore, or completely irrelevant to the long list of things we might need to do in the next ten minutes.

But God transforms us by his Spirit through his word, and it matters that we read the Bible. It's one of the ways we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, remembering everything he has done for us, everything we are in Christ, and where and what our hope is.

Like prayer, we are free to think of different ways we might do this in strained circumstances. We don't, for example, need to read the Bible. We can listen to it, if we have those resources available. We can choose to just focus on one book for the whole year, or read only a couple of verses per day. In fact, we might find that memorizing Scripture is a better idea than daily reading, if reading is beyond our concentration span at the moment. I think this is particularly the case if we memorize whole sections of Scripture rather than isolated verses; it means we are constantly meditating on that section of Scripture and remembering parts of it. It's also something that is easy to do with others, which can spark good conversations which are mutually encouraging.

Definitely, it's great to be able to do something like the M‘Cheyne reading system, where you read large sections of the Bible, but that's not the only strategy for everyone, everywhere. The goal is to be reading/listening frequently, prayerfully, humbly and with the intention of soaking up God's word in the way we live, hanging on God's every word (Matt 4:4).

And whatever we choose to do, let's not waste time feeling guilty when we fail. It's not a performance; it's about knowing God. Let's ask for forgiveness, courage and a steadfast heart, and try again, changing our system if it isn't working.

4. BE WISE

One of the very practical problems of losing sleep is that we don't function as well: tiredness affects how our minds and bodies work. So, our reflexes are slower, our digestive systems are often changed, our memories are a fog. We need to try and minimize the damage as much as we're able, as a way of preserving our own lives and the lives of others.

So, when we are seriously sleep-deprived, it might be wise to ask ourselves whether we really need to drive that day. When we take or give others medication, we might need to write it down somewhere and ask someone to check it for us. We might need to be attentive to whether we are getting enough exercise and eating properly.

I think we tend not to question the way we do things because we are already feeling overwhelmed just getting through our responsibilities. Thinking of different ways to do what we need to do can feel like an extra pressure we simply don't need. Here I think we can be greatly helped by looking to those people around us who might have a sense of perspective, and who can help us assess and change things. This can be really helpful to us if we have fallen into patterns that worked a few months ago, but may not be working now and we might not have the capacity to see this and make useful changes. There may also be people in our lives who can help us bear the load, who could swap a shift at work or take our non-sleeping children once a week, or take a responsibility off our shoulders so that we can seize some extra sleep.

It can feel very lonely to be tired all the time. It can be hard to have a clear head and see how things are working, and whether everyone we are responsible for is safe. So, let's be in conversation with the people God gives us, and if we can't find them, let's ask God to show them to us. We might need to be sleep deprived right now, but we don't have to bear the cost alone.

3. BE KIND

This part of our lives, whether it's short or long, isn't just a time when we are especially conscious of the care and support of others. It's also a time when we need to encourage and love those around us. Both characterize a Christian's life: mutual love relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ (Gal 6:2). But in times of difficulty, such as losing sleep, it can take extra thought to love others well.

Hospitality, for example, can feel impossible. We may need to rethink how to be hospitable to fellow Christians and to non-believers when our houses and lives are chaotic, and to focus on what is important. Spending time, slow time, listening to people and bearing their burdens and encouraging them, providing for their needs and sharing our lives with them, is the heart of hospitality. There are all kinds of different ways to do this. It may be that at this time we practice hospitality by going for walks with people, or meeting in a park. Or, we invite them into our messy houses, and just cope. The command to be hospitable is not couched in terms of life being under control, but is an aspect of living out life under Christ's control (Rom 12:13).

We also need to be aware of the people for whose sake we might be losing sleep. Often these are young children, but it can also be patients or others. They may or may not know what it costs us to care for them, but our focus should be to deal gently with them, regardless of this. How the weak and helpless are treated matters to God, and so it should also matter to us, even when their behaviour determines whether we sleep properly. If we feel overwhelmed we can sometimes feel as though our reactions are understandable and therefore legitimate. It is probably more useful to train ourselves to think that God has allowed these circumstances to converge on us, and he offers us a godly way forward (1 Cor 10:11-13). Being kind is always a good goal; being kind under pressure requires strength from God himself.

2. HOPE IN HEAVENLY REST

This weariness we live with is caught up in the toil and pain of our fallen world, which will pass away when Jesus returns. His death for us has opened up a new reality, in which our present suffering can't compare with his glorious future for us (Rom 8:18). Of course we'll long for the day when we are able to enjoy uninterrupted, refreshing sleep again. But when we feel that longing, we would do well to push it out even further and also remember that there is greater, more substantial rest from all weariness in heaven because of Jesus' death for us. A good night's sleep may feel now like a luxury, but it doesn't even compare with the hope of an eternal rest in God's presence, nor even with the rest we have in Christ now from all this world's sin and weariness (Matt 11:28-30).

1. GRACE CONQUERS ALL

God has loved us with an undeniable, generous love. He sent his only begotten Son to die on a cross in our place. Jesus died to save us, to carry us through all the exhausting days and frustrating nights, and bring us to his home, like lost sheep. God the Father with God the Son sent his Spirit to transform and comfort us, and gives us the strength we need for all our difficulties, even this one. Sleep deprivation doesn't unsaddle God's grace. Nothing can pluck us out of his hand (John 10:28-30). Not even sleeplessness. God's grace is even more powerful than lack of sleep.

the ego of man

2011-08-16T12:03:00.001+10:00

so this caught my eye from the red center during studios today. The question of religion and God certainly never fails to draw the crowds: from a question of God's existence, one is defined.yet through it, I'm amazed yet again of how self absorbed humans can be. In our pursuit to find out who we are, theists, atheists, or nihilists, we got the order so wrong. For is the conclusion to this question even one tt is up to our disgression, or should it be that whoever we claim to be is inconsequential, for the question is really an answer that has to be accepted nonetheless..?

2011-08-13T19:31:00.002+10:00

its been forever since i last blogged. i almost forgot how good that felt; to be heard for that split second, only to be overwhelmed so quickly by the vastness of the space, so large that the initial expressions fade into nothingness.

not by my own

2011-07-16T10:02:00.002+10:00

all things in me call for my rejection,
all things in you plead for my acceptance.

to the cross, i cling.

no fear in the unknown future,
simply because unknown does not equate to uncertainty.
life is simple,
when you have known death
the beginning is easy to accept
when the end is clear.

things will only get better.

2011-06-01T15:51:00.004+10:00

the rainy days are particularly great at keeping the spirits grey, and when all you have is coffee, literally a black hole that threatens to consume one inadvertently, the word depressing is simply an understatement. or perhaps it was chancing upon a realisation that i had secretly hoped will not come to fruition that made a stone out of my already worn out heart.

and just when it all seemed all too dismal, it was when
the soothing line gave my heart a reason to leap again. "..and i realised how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me.."
love in all its repetition, love in all its assurance,

and love, that makes me want no more.

2011-04-30T03:55:00.002+10:00

他说，如果人生拥有一件一定要守住的东西，是十分的幸福。

?

2011-04-29T03:04:00.001+10:00

为何对于我越心疼的人特别的刻薄?

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睡不着的时刻。

2011-04-27T05:07:00.002+10:00

错过的时光实在难以挽回，太勉强的话就显得特别的难堪。一个人的自尊心就是如此的难以放下吗?但为了不想放弃的幸福而硬着头皮纠缠下去--这，是允许了自私心为所欲为，不是吗?

自尊，自私; 人类还真是无可救药。

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grace, that's what it is.

2011-04-23T13:45:00.001+10:00

so easter is here again, and its my 23rd year of celebrating it. certainly, jesus rising from the death is everything to me, yet how often does one live, understanding how undeserving he or she is of all of this? and how often does one live, realising that all this undeserved-ness counts for nothing when jesus turned what was unforgiveable to what is now forgiveable on the cross?

grace, that's what it is.

the cat's got my tongue.

2011-04-21T00:43:00.003+10:00

we sit in silence before the television, willing time away. i wished there was more that i could do than mere small talk, the barrier of language ceasing to exist.

爱情。人生。

2011-04-20T00:13:00.004+10:00

随着时间的流逝，我渐渐地发觉，原来，能让我心碎的事也越来越多。心头上有太多顾虑的时候，爱情不再拥有它往日的光彩--仿佛若太在意它的话，就是允许人生包含如此的奢侈。

对自己太刻薄了吗--还是，这就是成长过程的象征？

2011-04-19T23:59:00.001+10:00

拥有与享受是否得相提并论？

2011-04-19T12:27:00.001+10:00

I've always loved sunrises, and waking up to one on e other hemisphere just makes me realise the beauty n coherence this world was intended for,in the beginning.

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2011-04-18T00:27:00.002+10:00

when friends know what just the thing to say before your wandering heart can even nail the problem down. all i need is a little perspective, the frame that makes this crazy world seem a tad bit more sensible and meaningful.

Surrender All

Take all I am, Lord, and all that I cling to
You are my Savior I owe everything to
Take all the treasures that lie in my storehouse
They cannot follow when I enter Your house

So I surrender all to You
I surrender all

Take all my cravings for vain recognition
Fleshly indulgence and worldly ambition
I want so much Lord to make You the focus
To serve You in secret and never be noticed

Take all my hunger for all that’s forbidden
Every desire and sin I keep hidden
Search me and know me I want to bring to You
A life that is holy and sanctified through You

hello again.

2011-04-07T19:48:00.003+10:00

It's been a while since I blogged,well expected really,considering all e work that has been thrown at us since e start of e sem. But its in times like this that I see with different eyes.landscapes and scenes that I would have otherwise taken for granted of now become a moment's refuge;

his hand, I see in all.

And for that fleeting moment, I could almost savour the assurance gleaned from being part of this world, lovingly cradled in ever secure hands.

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:(

2011-03-23T23:54:00.001+11:00

Drowning in a sea of self pity.

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harsh reality

2011-03-20T22:32:00.001+11:00

‘Sometimes it’s much simpler than seeing things that are,’ he said. ‘For instance, if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn’t there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That’s why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones.’

--the phantom tollbooth

back

2011-02-24T20:51:00.002+11:00

the boxes are too a many, brown till my eyes dull. somewhere along those lines, the same weariness pulls me down.

never enough.

2011-02-22T04:09:00.003+11:00

have you ever parted from someone's company, suddenly struck by life's fragility, suddenly aware that you might never see his/ her face smiling back again?

what would you do? make it a point to maximise all the time you could possibly have with the other, or be stumped into inaction, knowing that no amount of time or effort is ever going to be enough to erase all those "if only"s that plague when the end comes?

question of the day

2011-02-22T04:03:00.002+11:00

to each his own, but what happiness is, can never be defined.. can it?

吵了。输了。老了。

2011-02-10T01:16:00.006+11:00

最终是哑口无言地走了。究竟谁才是赢家? 人老了，自己所拥有的也变得寥寥无几；在那霎那间，对于自尊心更是耿耿于怀，难以放下--而‘对不起’这三个字就只能挂在心上，闷。

2011-02-05T21:45:00.001+11:00

有时候，真觉得人生太奇妙了。在它精彩的片段里，不知觉中，成熟了。

daily necessities.

2011-01-24T01:41:00.004+11:00

a friend of mine posted this on facebook recently and it instantly brought a smile to my face.

God is like caffeine. When I think of God's glory I become so excited that I can't fall asleep!

can i share his passion for the one who loved me unconditionally, who was (and is) there in spite of who i am, who really is what and who i need more than all the coffee in the world to get me through tough times?

a wake up call.

2011-01-24T01:28:00.002+11:00

It's easy to get carried away with the bustle of life, forgetting the reason why I call myself a christian in the first place. It's funny how you never quite realise how much of a selfish and navelgazing person you are really, until all that misery that you think is being inflicted on you suddenly backfires on misery itself.

2011-01-10T02:43:00.001+11:00

ha ha

2011-01-07T17:38:00.000+11:00

forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.

hello 2011.

2011-01-01T17:07:00.004+11:00

the older you grow, the more things pile up. more worries, more concerns, more awareness of the imperfections of this world.

but if anything at all, i see God's hand at work more and more, and i know my place and role in it all.

i know sometimes i will embrace the reason of my very being with open arms, and at other times, this very knowledge will hurt so badly that i'd rather kept my heart indifferent to the Creator all together. but in those times, i remember His faithfulness over the past year and it keeps me going; keeps me loving--only because, he first loved me.

happy new year everyone, 2010 had been one crazy ride, but worth every second of the while.

2010-12-31T15:16:00.003+11:00

why does it hurt to do the right thing? emotions in a turmoil; something i want in reach,but that something i know i shouldnt want in the first place. the new year looms, but this emotional debt plagues.

2010-12-27T17:52:00.000+11:00

sometimes i feel, life is one big joke.

to the land of sheldons

2010-12-25T14:55:00.004+11:00

went to Kennedy space center today and if anything stood out beyond that confusing physics i swore never to touch again after O levels, was some narration i heard during one of the tons of space related presentations there;

"As you pass from sunlight into darkness and back again every hour and a half, you become startlingly aware how artificial are thousands of boundaries we've created to separate and define. And for the first time in your life you feel in your gut the precious unity of the Earth and all the living things it supports.

— Russell 'Rusty' Schweikart, returning from Apollo 9"

in a season borne out of the true essence of love, what better time to ponder on such a thought:)

blessed christmas everyone.:)

in love or to love/

2010-12-07T09:35:00.004+11:00

Love is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will, and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners (or friends i would say) ask,and receive, from God .

--Mere Christianity, C.S Lewis

being broken has never been sweeter.

2010-12-06T13:31:00.004+11:00

Sweetly Broken-- Jeremy Riddle

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of it's suffering I do drink
Of it's work I do sing

For on it my Savior, both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

conflicting love

2010-12-02T13:33:00.004+11:00

over thanksgiving break i headed to canada where pam invited yihui and i for the 1040 screening, which was basically a film about church revival in asian countries and how the gospel is being brought to the ends of the world by them. enter jaeson ma. a Californian pastor, brought up in a black church, dressed in black and blings (ok not really big blings but blings nonetheless). He raps out his message to the audience and i find myself squirming in my seat, uncomfortable at what my mind subconsciously labelled as 'charismatic music that wasn't proper worship to God.'

the night progressed, jaeson ma's talk blasted into the minds of the audience and the film screened--done. My squirming didnt quite stop, but then the last few scenes in the documentary of thousands of people, ten thousands of people from muslim countries rushing forth to accept Jesus as Lord of their lives stopped me in my tracks. Almost involuntarily, tears welled up in my eyes. There's just something so amazing to see hearts turning to Him; no wonder all the angels in heaven break out into chorus at the salvation of just one soul!

and i started to realise one thing. Not once did jaeson ma or any of the pastors in the video say a thing contrary to what the gospel is all about-- man is sinful, we need jesus. fullstop. not loud music, not tongue speaking, not holyspirit slaying. those things occurred, im not going to deny that, but never once did any of them emphasized this over and above the gospel message. I must say that the bible wasnt used as much as i would like it to (which probably explained part of my squirming), but clearly God's name was preached, the Great Commission shared. They did so, and with a passion more than i ever had for people. Can people only reach God through the bible and the bible alone?

Or is the former something that i need to learn to accept, to embrace, to support? No doubting the word must always be the core of every Christian faith-- after all, our belief is not a blind leap in the dark! but people are different, and they CAN come to him through music, technology, medicine, anything that our world is blessed with at this time and age. Come to think of it, the Israelites in the bible danced in the courts like there was no tomorrow for the Lord, why then do i find 'charismatic' music inappropriate when it comes to pleasing God? It's the heart that he sees after all!

When all is said and done though, i know love stands between the gap, the conflict and disagreements. Because this love is not one we are meant to receive, but rather, one to give. For we have already received it, from God--who is love in its every expression.

chilled on the outside, warm on the inside

2010-12-02T13:07:00.004+11:00

observation of the day: the weather turns significantly warmer after a rain event, but the opposite happens after showers of snow. and you would have thought such a phenomenon wasnt possible since they were essentially the same thing!

still, the first snowfall has been nothing but exhilarating. Sticking out my tongue as i trudged to classes and looking like a goon was completely worth it as i felt the ice cold sensation melting at the slightest touch.

and who else have i to thank but the most creative architect of the world for these little joys in my life:)

song of the day: something that we just finished learning today and i really love the lyrics. nothing more apt really, after seeing the beauty of nature, to truly realise that my happiness is found in less of me and more of Him.:)

2010-11-18T14:45:00.001+11:00

7 hours in 72 hours.
time to get a reality check on your life missy!

green frog no play with elmo...

2010-11-17T05:08:00.001+11:00

behind all that silliness, it's true that happiness and sadness is as simple or complicated as we would like it make it out to be.

p/s elmo rocks.:D

when nostalgia hits.

2010-11-17T05:04:00.002+11:00

maybe it's because im overseas and all, but oh i really do miss those good old days, the passing notes to decide what to have for recess, the after class bball sessions, the cny deco competitions and what not.

...more blessed to give, more challenging to receive?

2010-11-06T01:23:00.004+11:00

Philip Jensen wrote an article recounting a childhood story of his. In it, he brings us back in time to when he was just a kid, receiving a christmas gift from his grandmother whom to him was "the relative with the least grasp on the reality of life". In light of this, he had assumed that the gift that now sat in his hands were laxatives from a granny who had lost it completely and was dreading the moment that he had to open it in front of the entire family without looking awkward.

All he could manage was a customary response taught to all polite young boys:“Thank you Nan, it was just what I wanted.” Jensen expressed his mixed emotions at that moment-- one of pleasure—for she was a loving old woman—and yet pity, tinged with confusion, for he really did not know what to say or do.

But when the moment of truth came, he was greeted not with laxative pills but three penny pieces in that gift box. Relief he was, but embarrassment was the emotion of the day. On hindsight, he reflected something about his attitude which then made me realise that it was not just any childhood story, for I too, have been guilty too many times of failing to understand the true essence of (not just giving) but receiving gifts.

"My well-mannered reception of her gift had masked an arrogant disdain for the giver. I did not appreciate the value of what I had been given, I did not respect or trust the person who gave it to me, I was too full of my own prejudicial pride to bother carefully examining the gift.

It is more blessed to give than to receive, but it takes more humility to receive than to give. How often people treat God's great gift of Jesus with my childish prejudicial pride, making the offensively polite responses, while despising the giver."

a tech bozo, that's me.

2010-11-05T12:49:00.001+11:00

sorry mac, honestly i tried. but you are beyond me.

the draw of superpowers.

2010-11-05T07:55:00.006+11:00

okay, i admit, im addicted to heroes. there's just something about it that keeps me going.. sure, the plot is intriguing, there are tons of eye candy, but there's something more to my fascination that i cant quite put my finger to.

After watching season3, episode 14 last night, i finally understood. the episode starts out with peter(who had lost his powers), feeling an utter sense of helplessness when he was not able to save a guy from a car crash. While his paramedic friend consoled him saying that it was not his fault that he couldnt save the world himself, Peter clearly thought otherwise in his poignant comment; "I should have been faster, I should have been stronger."

And then it was all clear to me. I loved heroes, because somewhere deep in me, I knew that there was only so much i could do, clearly limited by where i am, what i was.

The frustration of should haves plagues all of us. There's that longing in all of us, i reckon, to be someone special.
Someone who finds meaning in his existence on this planet,
Someone the planet finds meaningful in his existence.

Where will you go running for these answers?

so a girl can dream.

2010-11-04T15:13:00.005+11:00

apple snob, it's all your fault that i started watching these videos again.

though i know deep down,
i never really stopped believing in happily ever afters.

i hate to admit it but...

2010-11-03T09:08:00.002+11:00

the heart is such an easy thing to lose.

on a lighter note..

2010-11-01T16:33:00.005+11:00

i used to think singing was great, but really, I was skeptical about how it might be used to minister to others about Christ. After all, people tended to be carried away with the melody all too often, neglecting the lyrics. I know im guilty of that one.

Yet after friday's performance, i realised how myopic i was, humbled yet again by God. I remember vividly walking up the stage, self-conscious, almost feeling naive and childish to be singing feel-good Christian songs in an almost amateurish manner, after having seen the groups before us belt out classics and popular songs. but boy was i surprised (and yes very apologetically humbled) when i saw the crowd before us dancing along and having a whale of a time as we sang our hearts out, having made it clear that we sing because we want to praise him.

The joy that filled my heart subsequently as i walked down the stage was indescribable. And certainly it would have been so, knowing for certain that God works faithfully in people, in his creation that he loves. So even when my faith withers and i grow handicapped in my ability to love, I am assured that God will never be so; hearts will be touched, his way, his time.

p/s lyrics were changed by my really talented friends:)

pushing it.

2010-11-01T16:09:00.003+11:00

I meant to blog about this earlier when i first got to penn state, but i have been such a terrible procrastinator. let's just say that the burden to talk about it returned, perhaps feeling the need more urgently now than i did before.

(above: christian preachers on campus)

i found these relatively fascinating when i first got here-- a group of people carrying huge banners that assert (maybe too strongly) that hell's awaiting for those who do not call upon the name of jesus. the message is true, no doubt. and as christians we know that this message is not going to be welcomed with open arms--after all, who enjoys being told that they got it all wrong, their life's goals, dreams and aspirations? that this world, no matter how hard we try, is flawed, just because its filled with flawed people like us?

yet, i cannot help but feel a nagging uneasiness, as such actions have seemed to spawn off more negative responses than i would have liked to see. frustrations, anger expressed by my classmates, cynical rallying by the atheist societies (see the cards they flash just beside these christian preachers during their one organised event), and more recently, a campaign/ challenged organised by these clubs that really got me thinking.

(above: retaliation)

so the gist of the entire event was this: denounce christ, and get a free piece of pizza. Signs of these flooded the student center, and according to my friend, lines of students queued up for free pizza. I wasn't there to witness it, but the thought of it was depressing enough. Is the gospel that repulsive; how can a message of love be greeted with such hostility?

more happy thoughts.

2010-10-28T08:16:00.003+11:00

true or not, it's worth a penny or two of your thoughts.

what is happiness?

2010-10-28T07:30:00.004+11:00

an excerpt from an article in smh(sydney herald); great food for thought on a lazy Wednesday afternoon.

Herein lies the problem. We know there is a deeper reality to our make-up as individuals but its complexity frightens us. We prefer the illusion of freedom rather than the complexity of self-awareness. As a community we know of the limitations of material wealth as a measure of true value but we seem incapable of breaking its grip on our imagination.

We prefer the simplicity of economic growth and personal consumption rather than the complexity of sustainability and community wellbeing. As the Buddhist scholar and teacher Stephen Batchelor has put it:

How much of our life

is spent in avoiding

what we really are?

Yet in a quiet corner

of ourselves, do we

not secretly recognise

the deceptive strategies of such avoidance?

How often do we find ourselves happily

indulging in some trivial pursuit, even

though a deeper awareness is whispering

to us of its futility?

the world knows it, whether or not they like it, whether or not they care to acknowledge it. there's got to be something more to this life, there's got to be something that offers true happiness.

a really random thought.

2010-10-26T16:40:00.006+11:00

why is fall called fall? a beautiful season
and probably the best in my opinion,
yet marred by a depressing name.

we students just want to have fun.

2010-10-26T13:19:00.002+11:00

things we design students come up with when the going gets tough.

during a design charrette for an ex mining site-- we were meant to come up with planning schemes and visions for the place...

... and we figured, what could be better than a disneyland to inject revenue and a whole lot of fun, laughter and joy in this dumps-town.

anyone worried for what the future holds for our world when we landscape students graduate?:D

humble pie/

2010-10-14T08:51:00.003+11:00

have you had days when you wake up without a song in your heart, having more than an inkling that it was going to be a dreadful day, where nothing is ever going your way?

and so i did have one of those days today. overslept, got overwhelmed by the amount of work left to do for studios, couldnt get down to what i planned to because of unexpected situations, ran late for class, flunked my quiz, lost my house keys, retraced my steps for a good 25 minutes to no avail. no inspiration for a design proposal due tomorrow to top it all off. to say that today was a disaster was no short of an understatement.

but funnily enough, in spite of my desire to take control and fix it all when i was really just messing it up further, He cares. Enough to stretch out that arm to pull me out of the mire, to set things right again when im too preoccupied to ask or rely.

What did i do to deserve the pleasure of enjoying this rare pretty sight on my way home which certainly lifted my slumped spirits a little? What did i do to deserve having my keys returned, or have an extension for my assignment when i really should be suffering for my procrastination?

I know the answers all too well. When I need God the most, that's when I push Him away the furthest. but because he comes back for me all the same, that's when i realise that nothing I can do will make Him love me more, and nothing that I've done, will make Him close the door.

In Heaven's Eyes by Sandi Patty

2010-10-13T14:21:00.004+11:00

A fervent prayer rose up to heaven,
A fragile soul was losing ground
Sorting through this earthly babble,
Heaven heard the sound.
It was a life of no distinction,
No successes, only tries.
Yet, gazing down on this unlovely one,
There was love in Heaven's Eyes.

The orphaned child, the wayward father,
The homeless traveler in the rain
When life goes by and no one bothers,
Heaven feels the pain.
Looking down, God sees each heartache,
Knows each sorrow, hears each cry,
And looking up, we'll see compassion's
Fire ablaze in Heaven's Eyes.

In Heaven's Eyes, there are no losers,
In Heaven's Eyes, no hopeless cause.
Only people like you, with feelings like me
And we're amazed at the grace we can find
In Heaven's Eyes.

An oldie through and through, a treasure through and through.

isnt it reassuring. when i feel im just not good at anything, i cant match up, or i just cant muster up enough in me to open that heart i found much easier to leave under lock and key...

He loves me all the same,
He gives me the strength i need
and He tells me im worth it all.

PHOTOassignment ONE.

2010-10-12T14:47:00.009+11:00

okay im just reallly reluctant to start on my readings... so... i decided to post the photos i took for my photo asg thusfar. okay, they aren't breath-taking but they certainly are the few photographs that i have actually placed a good amount of thought into crafting them. Im actually amazed at how different a purposeful shot is composed and appears as compared to one i snap at whim (then spend the next half of the day deleting most of them). a sign that like speaking, i really ought to think before i shoot?

On Memory

On Imagination

What lies behind the door?

I realised the juxtaposition of contrasts tend to inspire thoughts that one might never fanthom was possible.

On Reflection

On Negotiation

On Astonishment

On Play

Play is spontaneous,
sometimes funny,
most of the time silly,
but always,

good for the soul.

On Emotions

As we grow older, it almost seems childish to revel in the positive ideals of love, let alone play with stuffed toys. So when I took this picture, it made me smile in my heart.

A part of us always want to be loved,
a part of us never wants to grow up.

inconsolable regret.bitter grace.

2010-10-12T14:10:00.006+11:00

i held a cup of coffee as i strolled down the tree lined avenues along a main street on campus. a chilly breeze rustled my hair, and i drew a deep breath involuntarily. just an hour away from midnight, the work due for tomorrow looms like a formidable mountain.

yet my mind is far from concerned, still reeling from the talk earlier. isaiah 52:13-53:12. the servant song. have you ever experienced the sudden rush of adrenalin when you realised something that never once crossed your mind despite the familiarity of the issue/event/topic? the sudden dread that fills me, knowing that I was one of those, who rejected, despised, disobey him. one of those who drove the nail in, through the constant desire in wanting to be my own God, to lead life the way i want it.

forgetting that when i obey only when i want to, that's not obeying. it's just a parallel of wills. my will, God's will.

and the regret wells up within. a deep sense of failure, ache, knowing that i failed him again. and again and again. something i simply cannot undo. all too often, i fall into this vicious cycle of self pitying that seems like a spiral that leads me towards a bottomless pit. i push the guilt aside, the tears that threaten to overflow and the regret i feel when i realise that all my actions have consequences. why the drama, why the moping?

then i was told this which brought a new perspective i'd never saw-- Grace, is bitter. how true! to accept grace is to acknowledge that you are wrong-- imagine the humiliation! we want no help, or rather, we (knowing that WE screwed up), want to fix it ourselves. even in realising our mistakes, we still want to be behind the steering wheel. we still desire to be our own saviour, our own God, the very essence of what we did wrong in the first place.

but we forget what kind of God we believe in. we forget that he is the one who pays off the essence of sin with himself, the essence of salvation. this is the God we believe in. a God who loves, and desires nothing more than to have his children run to him for protection, comfort and restoration.

i need a pride check now.

2010-10-06T14:21:00.002+11:00

maybe its the culmination of bad weather and emails/ calls from people i love so much, but i suddenly miss home so very much.:(

one of those moments.

2010-09-28T14:12:00.002+10:00

i need to gush. pandora knows my mind!:))

raystown. a fall getaway.

2010-09-27T15:17:00.007+10:00

fall's by far the best season of the year and thanks to it, i had one of the most relaxing getaways since coming to state college. nature must have one of the best artistic flairs i've seen with its perfect colour combinations and textures, the weather's chill, cold enough to keep one excited about winter yet retaining the smell of summer nostalgically, as though reluctant to say its last goodbye. perhaps in an awareness that this season will end all too soon, i fall in love with its beauty all the more. and as all photos seek to do, these freeze-frames a temporal beauty in a temporal space and time.

and at the same juncture, i realised temporality lies in the eyes of the beholder.the hills, the trees, the lake--clearly older than my existence, yet perceived too minutely in my myopic perception of time.

and then my eyes finally saw what drew me to these picturesque sights. the knowledge that these tiny eyes (pun intended:D) can see and understand what her mighty creator can do.

psalms 121 overwhelms my thoughts.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

:)

so dont blame me for wanting to embrace fall, its beauty, benefits, but most importantly as a gift from God, like literally:D

i just have to gush about this.

2010-09-19T14:59:00.006+10:00

i have been following the series masterchef USA faithfully for the entire season (a real great way to take my mind off work once in a while:)) and just this week, the winner was unveiled..:) and oh my goodness, jen u should totally watch this series because after watching it, you will be totally inspired by whitney who by the way is 22(!) and bakes like she has been doing it for 44 years. check out some of the pictures of the types of desserts that she has made throughout the competition. i'd never believe that geniuses like this existed, until i saw her cook.

No-Bake Cheesecake with Graham Cracker Caramel Topping

Chocolate Souffle

Bread Pudding with Raspberry Coulis and White Chocolate Sauce (she made it souffle styled and inverted it. how in the world do u get such a warped idea??)

Profiteroles with Vanilla Chantilly Cream and Caramelized Banana

so now im off feeling depressed that im going to miss my weekly dose of masterchef, whilst facing the impossible prospect of gaining access to desserts like this anywhere in state college. :(

food for thought?

2010-09-07T23:19:00.002+10:00

Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

--C.S Lewis

when technology fails.

2010-09-05T21:53:00.002+10:00

my phone operator was experiencing some massive network problems for a good 2 days and nationwide, no one was able to text or receive them. Well, to be more precise, receive the text after 10 hours or something.

I was surprised at how annoyed I got at that. Not being able to receive/send texts was more than an incapability to convey a certain message. It almost felt like an entire relationship was melting down as a result of that; People might possibly misread the lack of texts for hostility.(since most of my friends here either have expensive call plans or are simply too much of an acquaintance to make calling a normal affair.)

I was even more surprised that i wasnt alone in my frustration. just check out virgin mobile usa's fb page. overnight, 16,000 people found themselves 'liking' the page and bombarding it with exclaims of anger, demands for compensation. (this admist a lot of "let's all be friends on fb, add me!" or " let's chat online now, im reallly bored" which was terribly amusing in light of the more serious threatening comments-- but well, this is america so i should have known). I was amazed at how much people craved to be constantly involved in some sort of activity that involved technology, as though without it, they lose friends and become the loneliest person on the planet.

it's almost as though this has become a universal truth:
people+ technology = friends. and people+ ? = people.

now that my phone is up and working, im happy. but nonetheless, this incident has certainly provided great food for thought.Not only with regards to my almost complete dependency on technology (and who says people are commitment phobic?:D) but also in my response to it all. how easy it was to feel irritation when 16,000 other people were doing the same, if not with worse cuss words. how easy it was to click open the fb page every 10 minutes to spy on people's comments just for the sake of it (honestly, i made a hobby out of it for the night, even though it was probably the greatest waste of time ever). how easy it was to start checking virgin mobile's twitter status more than i ever did since i first set up my account a year ago.

I think we all know that life is short, yet created with meaning by a meaningful creator. But too easily, i let myself forget that.

Someone wrote this on virgin mobile's wall a while ago and i couldnt help but post it here:
I think "Textgate 2010" is officially over. The human spirit was truly displayed here on this Facebook page these past few days. I just want to say it was a very beautiful feat overcoming this type of extreme adversity with all of you. U-S-A. U-S-A.

my first response was to laugh at the dramatics.

my second, an humbling awareness that I was part of all that chaos that im laughing at now.

more scratches and scars to the collection.

2010-09-02T15:27:00.004+10:00

i do realise that ive been doing things that i would never imagine myself to.

maybe it's because i fell headlong and might have lost a little bit of sense when i was at it.

nonetheless, i must say, caving really rocks.

lesson for today.

2010-09-01T16:13:00.001+10:00

learn to appreciate the little (literally) things in life.

the wizard of oz.

2010-08-31T11:06:00.002+10:00

and what was i doing, actually missing out on all these for a good 21 years of my life? this show might be 60 years old, but to learn contentment and grasp the blessing that life bestows--

that's evergreen.

sometimes it's hard to decide.

2010-08-31T10:08:00.003+10:00

get too close,

and one's vision blurs.

yet standing nonchalant in the distance only causes the unclarity to remain.

what gives?

so go with the groove.

2010-08-29T06:48:00.002+10:00

i cant believe it but for the first time in my life, i actually thought that dance was fun. swinging, bopping, hopping and basically just making a fool out of myself was not that bad when everyone else was doing the same and having a good laugh.

and honestly, 5 hours after all that (which really didnt feel that long at all), i walked out of the doors having a new rhythm in me that almost drove me to start shimmying down the sidewalks at uni.

something about the 50s that drives me to do things i would never imagine i would.

(arent u proud of me, xin?:D)

like seriously.

2010-08-28T12:55:00.003+10:00

in just one day, i saw two guys with boon's lookalike ah pek plastic slippers, with socks. walking on campus as though that was the most normal thing in the world. and they didnt even look like geeks!

either the world's going crazy or there's some wardrobe disasters going on around here. hah.

when i say im a christian..

2010-08-27T23:53:00.002+10:00

Something that was recited during campus crusade yesterday and somehow, it struck a chord. The word 'Christianity' has been thrown around so easily that sometimes i myself forget why i am a christian. im imperfect, helpless, and honestly sometimes i get on my own nerves, but God still loves me. and thinks this lump is worth it.

first week of school has come and almost gone, yet how many people did i think was worth it, without first measuring them up to my own standards?

When I say..." I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost,
that is why I chose this way"

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are all too visible
but God believes I'm worth it

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge
I have no authority
I only know I'm loved.

so americans take their work that seriously.

2010-08-24T14:02:00.003+10:00

so my housemate's project was to create an identity that will leave an impression on the teacher. and that's her showing off her moves.

she's a seal btw, complete with sounds and the waddling movements.
and should i add that she was painting her face in the bathroom earlier?

classic.:D

2010-08-24T13:28:00.003+10:00

And so i gave up on how i met your mother, till i caught the season finale today.
"Ultimately, we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it."
its a hard one to learn, but i guess that's all part of growing up.

and im back in the game! season 6 coming right up:)

self entertained.

2010-08-12T03:36:00.002+10:00

is the subject entertaining himself with the tv program or is the person behind the lens finding entertainment in observing the subject?

when it's down to less than 24 hours..

2010-08-07T17:52:00.001+10:00

too many memories, too hard to say goodbye.

2010-07-08T12:06:00.002+10:00

have i mentioned how much i love movies that make you believe in the crazy possibilities of love?

make me happy.

2010-04-16T01:41:00.003+10:00

talk about cute little things--he trumps jason mraz hands down.

the inevitable ageing process.

2010-04-09T01:29:00.001+10:00

i love post-its. they carry so much meaning in them.

2010-03-31T16:58:00.000+11:00

You shall ask
What good are dead leaves
And I will tell you
They nourish the sore earth.
You shall ask
What reason is there for winter
And I will tell you
To bring about new leaves.
You shall ask
Why are the leaves so green
And I will tell you
Because they are rich with life.
You shall ask
Why must summer end
And I will tell you
So that the leaves can die.

©Nancy Wood

maybe that's why i love nights.

2010-03-31T16:04:00.002+11:00

The Moon is Made of Gold-- Rickie Lee Jones

Don’t feel bad because the sun went down
The night has wealth untold
Just keep watching and you soon will see
The Moon is Made of Gold

Now the stars appear
And as they do
Heaven they unfold
Don’t feel bad because the sun went down
The Moon is Made of Gold

See how the shadows
Enhanced by the light above
Dance in the night
As the breezes sigh,
Soon you will be asleep
Into your dreams will creep
Visions of fairies flying through the sky

And one by one
Your dreams will all come true
Magic you’ll behold
Don’t feel bad because the sun went down
The Moon is Made of Gold

it's all in us:)

2010-03-28T22:15:00.003+11:00

i have two left feet and this is probably the most improbable thing that i ought to suggest. but blame it on the hopeless romantic in me (and a walk to remember, or was it the notebook)--wouldnt it be lover-ly to dance in the most deserted of streets illuminated by nothing but a dim streetlamp?:) it's sweet, not so much the dance (which will be a clumsy clambering really, at least for me), but the fact that two can dance to tones and a rhythm, known to no one else but the two of them. their song.:)

i know i should be studyin but...

2010-03-24T12:02:00.001+11:00

teehee.

a little random fun at night

2010-03-24T01:03:00.004+11:00

check out tis funky website to test if u are sleep deprived or not! hah. no prizes for guessing what result i got!:P
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/

live by what you eat

2010-03-22T21:21:00.004+11:00

came across these awesome bread shoes as i was surfing for inspiration just a while ago. how funky are they! i personally like the second one more. hah. so fat and cute.haha.

at 2am..

2010-03-19T01:52:00.001+11:00

even famous authors ramble randomly.

2010-03-06T02:09:00.002+11:00

got this off a friend's blog and i guess i just found it mildly amusing that Mark Twain could have been the very author of these quotes that i can't really make a head or tail out of. still, it's fun every now and then to enjoy whimsical, albeit meaningless words?

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

2010-03-06T01:47:00.004+11:00

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

so easy to forget that life, just the way it is, or eventually ends up to be, is indeed the very will of God.

Liebe Mauer.memories.berlin wall.

2010-03-06T00:26:00.003+11:00

I remember visiting the famous Berlin Wall, only to leave without feeling particularly emotional. To me, it was but a wall. True, its historical importance was not to be easily discounted, but really, it was but a piece of concrete nonetheless.

It was then that i realised, every object, as insignificant as it might seem in a temporal space, holds a piece of history in them that gives them value, and makes them irreplaceably beautiful to people, even if it had only last for a fleeting moment.

boundaries.

2010-03-05T23:54:00.004+11:00

it's funny how boundaries make a whole lot of difference; or so i was enlightened as i sat in the car yesterday. beyond those glass windows, the world goes by before my eyes so clearly that i can almost touch it, yet a sense of distance is inevitably felt. those people out there and their life stories, almost shrouded by a mystery that hides comfortably behind these glass windows that, in the same manner, separates the sounds from the sights.

yet, strangely, it's significantly different within those glass windows. the windows stay the same and clear they remain, but instead of a vague perception of the other, it's almost compelling for one to understand the other when both beings are held within those windows, that space, those boundaries.

do boundaries divide and separate, or do they bind and unite? the former is hurting, the latter, well, let's just say that it requires a lot of courage to enable it to come to pass. i guess, thats perhaps the very reason that boundaries are commonly perceived as the former.

back in sydney.after 3.5 months.

2010-03-02T23:02:00.003+11:00

something feels different. not in particularly positive or negative way though, just different.

maybe im just having the missing home blues.

2010-02-26T16:21:00.002+11:00

Life's full of disappointments, not that i've been kept in the dark about the reality of this over-used cliche. But something that really gets to me is when i flip my music player on, all ready for my self-imposed isolated journey on the bus...the battery's flat.

It's funny though that i might feel that way,considering how little it really matters. The scenes that pass me by stay the same. The bus still gets me to places. Passengers? still brimming from all walks of life. The journey really isn't any less a sensory experience.Inspiration can still dawn upon me albeit the chaos. There's something beautiful in disorder. And if only we were willing to hold 4'33'' as john cage did, then perhaps the absence of my music playlist once in a while won't quite prove unsettling or disturbing.

Sounds of life... that's music.

2010-02-26T16:13:00.001+11:00

bliff bluff.

2010-02-25T15:03:00.003+11:00

是自尊心在发作吧. 当自己发觉无法保住在对方心中的地位.

妒嫉之情不禁流露.

若当初不选择爱,不下定决心把自己的一切,不顾好坏地表现在另一个人的面前,

就不会有今日的下场吧.

:)

2010-02-12T13:49:00.000+11:00

2010-02-02T13:24:00.001+11:00

we see things the way we are, not the way things are.

2009-12-02T21:17:00.002+11:00

感到厌倦的时候，就是开始忽略身边的幸福的那时刻。有时的我，还真够健忘。

2009-11-27T01:13:00.004+11:00

人老了，让人心酸。

sydney 2009 on rewind

2009-11-21T23:05:00.016+11:00

im not great when it comes to recaps, after all, ive always been a strong believer that i can only express myself adequately in 10,000 words.

but since each picture is worth a thousand words, perhaps they will suffice, a skeletal story at best, but a story nonetheless:)

my lovely housemates (albeit annoying at times:P)

the many nights we kept each other awake with our whines and jabs:)

in our little courtyard..(that is highly overgrown>.<)

our painful lesson: never cook at 1pm for dinner--the wait is especially torturous.

picnic at centennial. tell me who else will wake up at 8 to prepare for a picnic till 12 then walk all the way to the park jus to eat? :)

amy's bday:)

steamboat using rice cookers..yum:)

ah chien's bday:D (we made her her hated pea-muffins!:))

at lindt's and subsequently became our most used photo:):)

cookie monsters (bible study group:))

cookie monsters muffin:) --thanks jen:)

typical bible study sessions

treetop climbing!

blue's point

royal national park

check out our bs leaders in the background!:)

uni stuff (ive not been slacking:P)

semester one boards--design for Sydney park

semester two--design for shrimptons' creek

other really random but happy moments

coogee with km jen and steph

gold coast with awesome coursemates:)

mum and dad down under:)

steph and weijie--sydney weather really hates them:P

my birthday surprise:):)

eugene and amanda's baby shower

focus camp2009

mid year conference--my hardworkin bunk(ok we were jus posing>.<)

sunrise at myc:)

brisbaneeee:)

and there you go.:)things pass alot faster on rewind, but then again, it hadnt been that slow and dreary to begin with:):)

2009-11-21T22:58:00.004+11:00

"i cannot always follow the hand of the Artist--some of his work still eludes me. But what the biblical narrative tells me, and in particular, the account of the Christ's passion--is that, while I may not be able to trace the Artist's hands at all times, i can always trust his motives. The God who is in control of all things, who acts behind the scenes in all things, is also the God who willingly suffers. He is the one i can shout at, cry with and find comfort in. His heart, if not all his ways, is clear to me, because on the cross he wore it on his sleeve for all to see. This God is able to sympathize with those who suffer, not simply because he is "all-knowing", an attribute ascribed to any version of divinity--but because he has experienced pain firsthand."

--John Dickson

a familiar memory of a levels

2009-11-21T21:54:00.004+11:00

my silly bro was hogging my com to do this. and they were right to say exams drive people nuts. love to be back home finally:)

2009-11-12T18:12:00.002+11:00

when thinking becomes such a pain
ive never thought i would feel that way
when words become a clanging cymbal
each a real sound yet each meaningless
too loud too much to comprehend
the nagging feeling of anxiety
the front
the baseless anger
the emotions
the detachment

lost.

never alone.

2009-11-08T01:59:00.002+11:00

1. We’re not alone, for Christ is here
Immanuel our God come near
We’re not alone, for to our world
Jesus has come, eternal Word.
And as he speaks, our souls laid bare
Naked, ashamed, sin is made clear
And yet he clothes us in his love
Never alone, Christ is with us, is with us.

2. The longest walk, earth’s darkest day
The pressing crowd, his mounting pain.
A heavy load of grief and shame
Breathless that we should breathe again.
“Father forgive them,” comes his cry
Silence from God blackens the sky.
A creeping dread in every heart
Lost in the world now God departs, God departs.

3. The dawn will come, the sun will rise
Out of the grave we’ll see hope’s light.
Tomb opened wide, stone rolled away
Morning has come, a brand new day.
“He isn’t here,” the angel said.
“He is alive no longer dead.”
Our hearts are lifted, souls raised high
Christ is with us, Christ is our life, he’s our life.

4. Never alone, is now our cry
In joy, in grief, in lonely sin.
Never alone, for Christ is ours
He lives in us, we live in him.
And ’til we reach that final day
When fears are gone, cast far away
We'll live secure, trust in his love,
Never alone, Christ is with us, he’s with us.

just thought i share a song that has been nothing but encouragement to me. listen it to here: http://media.emumusic.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=8&Itemid=13 :)
I hate to think what life might be without Christ.

where else can i find hope to cling on to, in this crazy crazy world, in this world that promises nothing but choices that lead to more choices and pain at the end, knowing an end is never truly a closure, but an open ended question?